The switch back to working days wasn't as smooth as I had hoped, but have transitioned nonetheless. As with working nights and days anywhere, there's pros and cons to both. Haven't decided yet if I actually prefer one or the other.
For me, this switching back and forth, is proving to be the roughest part about the ICU rotation. It prevents one from developing any sort of rhythm to their life. Sleep when you can. Eat when you finally realize your blood sugar has dropped. Make sure you've found time to study. Have to study. For the past two weeks I've been looking for rhythm in all of this. A way to tell breakfast from supper. A way to tell Sunday from Tuesday. I've most recently been thinking, "next rotation. after the ICU, I'll figure it out." And I'm just being delusional with that thinking. The next rotation won't be any different, and before long I'll be back in the ICU for another rotation. So I've decided to stop. Stop looking for this nonexistent rhythm.
Instead, simply praise God each time I get to go to work again. Thank God for each new opportunity to learn. Thank Him for the rest when it comes.
For even if I can't feel a rhythm, the sun is still rising and setting. The minutes loyally follow one after another. And through it all my heart beats its own rhythm of life. So maybe if I can stop looking for the sort of rhythm created by humanity, I can instead find the rhythm originally created by the Creator.
Maybe......
For now, I'll just work on letting go of my desire for a socially dictated sort of rhythm.
Much Love.
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