Estoy esperando.

To speak or Not to speak...


Yesterday evening found myself in the grocery check-out line behind a man.  Stench of alcohol radiating.  Arms laden with 24oz cans.  Yelling at those in front of him to hurry up as he had to catch the bus.  When he turned to me....I somehow managed an entire conversation with him without saying a single word.
- one for Not to speak

Yesterday in the morning Trauma meeting we went over a patient whom we had just attempted to enroll in the Pilot study I'm organizing.  Marini gets all excited and goes on a tangent of what our data is currently showing us.  Then suddenly turns to me asking, "Christy would you like to add anything." My immediate reaction, of course is No. No, nothing at all.  Nothing to add.  Don't look at me.  Where can I hide?!  But I open my mouth and speak.  It's my responsibility as all of the data which he was referring to is coming to me for compilation and analyzing.  So I added something. (the actual value of this 'something' ....unknown)
- one for To speak

Following the morning Trauma meeting I joined a table of Attendings and Critical Care Fellows in the cafeteria for breakfast.  The topic strays from medicine to social conversation, and I keep my thoughts to myself.  But once again, Marini suddenly turns attention to me asking for my input.  I politely decline to input.  He challenges me, 'you don't have an opinion?'  I stand by my previous response saying, 'I definitely do have an opinion, but prefer not to share.' And in return I get a quick lecture on assertiveness and how it is necessary in a surgeon.  so...To speak?  The quick lecture was well meaning and I actually completely agree with Marini's argument.  But the particular subject in which they had been inviting me was a topic with no resolution which leads to a cyclical direction of conversation.  Had I expressed my opinion, it would have succeeded in nothing but the propagation of this cyclical movement. No one would have been any closer to understanding anything.  In my opinion, all a waste of energy and effort.  so...Not to speak?

To speak or Not to speak.....that is the question!

Hasta!