Rank listing was due today at 9pm EST. Options for me this year Anesthesiology or General Surgery.
Arguments back and forth. Pros and Cons lined up, neither willing to give way. Feelings involved reaching everywhere from betrayal to guilt to undeserving. It's one of those conversations between Jesus and myself. We had the same conversation just about every night over the past months. It really never varied too much... it really never varied at all. And now its past.
Today gave me a headache. Walked in the apartment at 8:53pm, fired up my computer and pulled up the NRMP website to certify my rank list. It was 8:58pm and the web page finally appeared. I then closed my eyes. Squeezed them shut.
When I opened them again it was 9:00pm. Decision by lack of action.
A few weeks ago I had taken the time to certify a preliminary rank list, just in case this very thing happened. (just in case, I procrastinated making an official decision until it was too late and then I don't make it home from work in time.) Because logging in at 8:58 would not have been enough time to create and certify a rank list.
You'd think I'd be used to waiting by now. Lots of waiting. Yet still I am impatiently wishing it was March already so I could just finally know what God has up His sleeve for the next short step of my life.
Much Love.
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