Yo estoy dormiendo.

I left the hospital late yesterday afternoon, and as the ER doors slid open and I walked out, a feeling was there to greet me as I did so.  It was a...

November gray,

And cold the day.

Follow me the leader.

....kind of feeling.

Not that it was November...nor was I following anyone, or being followed. 

I think I'm ready to officially say that I don't like NY weather.  And I'm not just saying that because I'm coming from a place that had sun at least 350 days a year if not more.  But NY is so foggy.  There's always fog.  More fog than rain.  More fog than Illinois.  Makes me feel like I'm restrained.  Like I'm not going anywhere.

But, there's some sun trying to peak through today.  It always does.

Hasta!

Yo estoy a yo.

"I think I know I mean a yes, but it's all wrong...that is, I think I disagree."

That was the topic of a discussion held last week which included representation across the various health care services providing care to the patients at Sound Shore.  I had never before been to a meeting such as this.  First of all, there was a moderator appointed for the meeting.  Second of all, that moderator went around the room making sure all services spoke their mind, and what I mean by that is, making sure all services had a chance to share their feelings.  Literally asking individuals, "how did that make you feel?"  I stayed shut up on my chair in the back.  No way was I going to voluntarily tell a room full of people how I felt.  However, what I saw developing as the meeting continued on was an opportunity for these people to vent.  Vent to others who wouldn't shy away, and would understand their frustration.  And that I could understand.  From my own personal experiences, in general the only stories acceptable are the funny, cute and mysterious.  The second I try recounting a frustrating experience, or anything out of the acceptable bubble the listener almost immediately becomes visibly uncomfortable.  What this meeting was allowing was a chance for taboo emotions to be let out amongst a group of people that not only wouldn't back away from them but can actually share in them.  Like I said, it was a meeting like none I've ever seen before.  It was interesting.

Hasta

P.S. bonus points if you know the song the discussion topic comes from! ;)

I got the video uploaded so thought I'd embed it quick. (See previous post for explanation.)



Piano player's just as good as me on that song, don’t you think Mom?! ;)

Side note about the arch:

The arch itself, a tribute to George Washington, is engraved with a quote by the nation's first president from the Constitutional Convention in 1787. It reads, "Let us raise a standard to which the wise and honest can repair. The event is in the hand of God."

Yo estoy buscando las estrellas.

 

Visited a friend over in Jersey last week.  Got to catch Manhattan from across the Hudson before the twilight faded out.

Pretty amazing view!  But don't let it fool you.  Can't really see the stars with all that light going on!

From my trips into the city, I've sort of been collecting one-liners.  Little sayings that I hear in passing.  For example:

"What's cookin' good-lookin?"

I just about cracked up laughing when I overheard that one, mainly because it seemed so out of place.  That is something they would saw back home, not here in the big city.  And it just made me really happy to hear it being said.  

Shortly after hearing the above line I heard the following by a guy talking on his cell.

"So...if I wanted to call in a bomb threat..."

And I just had to shake my head at the contrast between the two.  Just so random!

This past Saturday Marcy Bahler and Carly Bahler came to spend the day in the city with me.  It was Marcy's birthday!!! Here's a few pictures from our day!

Our first stop of the day (after Starbuck's ;) was The Merchant's House Museum.  But unfortunately we were too early so our first stop then became Washington Square.  We sat on the fountain listening to the the piano player and watching the pigeons, and the people. It was an absolutely beautiful day, and I was so content to just sit in the sun and enjoy the atmosphere for awhile.  I took a video, but forgot to upload it before starting to blog.

While sitting on the fountain another one-liner got added to my list.  A few kids were riding their bikes around and around the fountain.  One chasing the other.  Round and round.  During one pass, the second yelled up at his friend, "We're going in a straight line!"

The Merchant's House!
The Merchant’s House Museum is New York City’s only family home preserved intact — inside and out — from the 19th century. Built in 1832 it was home to a prosperous merchant family for almost 100 years.  Complete with the family’s original furnishings and personal possessions, the house offers a rare and intimate glimpse of domestic life in New York City from 1835-1865.
 

 The Front Parlor Room! 

 Servant's bedroom. The only such place in New York City open to the public and is arguably the oldest intact site of Irish habitation in Manhattan.

 The call bell. 

 Hand carved banister

 Bee-hive oven

  Max Brenner's!  Me, Marcy, Carly

 Came upon a small flea market on Broadway.  We found yarn!  Marcy

 It was sooooo soft! Carly

One more photo at Times Square.  Carly, Marcy, Me

Hasta!

Yo estoy entera en partes.

I choose Coldplay as my soundtrack on my drive back to NY tonight.  I hadn't listened to that since a long time ago in Mexico.  And as I listened, my eyes looking straight ahead, were seeing thousands of miles away.  One memory lead to five more memories and on and on.  I've been missing Mexico a bit more than usual lately, but tonight it also hurt a little bit more than usual...a lot more.

I'm not quite sure how to word the following, because I feel it's a human experience that everyone has, but views and defines differently based on their own personalities and attitudes towards life.   As for I myself, when I think about it, I think about it in 'parts'.  As in parts of a whole.  Since moving back to the US I have struggled with how to adequately maintain the different parts of my heart.  A part in the prarie of Illinois, a part at ISU, a part in Mexico, a part in the hospital and I'd be absolutely lying to deny that a part isn't here in the New England area, etc, etc.  Though I never would have admitted it at the time, for the first few months back I stubbornly held onto what I had in Mexico afraid that if I let go it would somehow change that part of my heart, it would cease to exist, or worse, be denied that it ever existed in the first place.  A little dramatic perhaps, but sometimes my imagination goes a bit far before I can reign it in.  It was actually a friendly knock on the head that woke me up to what I was subconsciously doing.  A kind reminder that moving on with our lives does not change eternity.  That being apart here on earth does not change our life together in eternity.  Finally realizing this helped me see that I was holding on, to move on and fully invest in living where I actually was.  That this was not going to deny the existence of or change that part of me in Mexico in any way.

This then brought on the problem of the future.  I don't know what the future holds, but inevitably I'll have to go through the process of moving and starting over many more times.  How many parts of my heart can I allow without leaving myself with nothing left?  Panic!!  Tonight, while missing Mexico, Comfort visited.  It let me know that I had it backwards.  I wasn't leaving parts of my heart behind me, those were already there waiting for me.  With each move, with each step in this journey through life, a part is being added to my heart.  I'm not leaving parts behind me, but gaining in fullness.  I'm not moving towards nothing left, but rather towards overflowing towards wholeness.  I wonder how many more parts are waiting for me, waiting to make me even more full, until that day at the end of my journey when I am finally completely and utterly whole with my Lord and Saviour, Christ Jesus, in Heaven.

....And then break lights would light up in front of me, filling my vision, and bringing me back to I-95.  Well, for a few moments at least, until Coldplay would take me away again.

By the way,  I had Sunday dinner with Lis Ballasy and her family tonight.  A while ago we had discovered that both Lis and I had once played the oboe.  And, well, she had found hers.  I'd say it's been about 9 years since I've even held an oboe.  It took me a while to get a sound on the reed.  But it was exciting.  This might label me, but I have some very fond memories of my days playing the oboe.  Hey! I even made a jazz oboe 'cool!' ;) So the fact that my fingers remembered where to go after a 9 year hiatus and I could semi-play a sort of recognizable tune was really exciting to discover.  I'll include the video that Lis took below.  I'm playing Amazing Grace (a few seconds of the beginning is missing).  It is painfully obvious that both my lungs and lips are out-of-playing-shape by my need for dramatic breathing pauses!! :)

Hasta!

Yo estoy exasperada.

I spoke too soon when referred to a week as a piece of cake.  I haven't had a week last this long in a long time.  I thought my experience would be better if I could manage switching which doctors I worked with.  You know that phrase, 'out of the frying pan and into the fire?'  That is totally what has happened with me this week. 
Doctor 1:  A child today was crying and would not stop.  Dr. 1 stood in front of her shaking her finger at the poor girl yelling at her to not be angry.  In other words, Dr. 1 was yelling at a girl telling her not to do the very thing that she herself was doing.  And I have to just stand there and watch.  I wanted to just say Enough!!
Doctor 2:  Constantly flirts with the only male employee in peds and then crosses her eyes and accuses him as being the one who does the flirting.  I just want to tell her to please grow up already!!
Doctor 3: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!  Awful!  I don't agree with her practice of medicine in any way, shape or form.  Any time I'm with her I may be calm outside but inside, I'm flat out screaming. Grinding my teeth and pulling out my hair.  Seriously that's how I feel.  Her treatment of patients has gotten me so worked up that I was about to boil over.  And then she had the nerve to ask me why I was red!!?!  I could rant on and on and on about Dr. 3!  Her unacceptable slaughtering of the Spanish language.  Her freakishly disturbing botoxed face.  Her high pitched vocalizing leaving no room for anybody else, including the patient, to speak.  Her belittlement of the patient.  Her improper treatment for various things (don't worry what she would prescribe wouldn't cause harm at least or I would have said something.)  

I don't remember ever feeling like this before. I feel incredibly blessed that I was only placed at this clinic for two weeks.  I'm sure I've probably failed in showing God's love while at the clinic...I've kind of had to assume the personality of a robot...constantly reminding myself to just breathe. Sigh.

Thank goodness for all the kids though.  They are all beautiful, and I love working with them. 
One cute story to end with: 
Mom brought her daughter in and says that she is concerned because the bones in her daughters back are sticking out!!
Well let's take a look Mom!
Oh...Well Mom, that is normal.  Those are called shoulder blades!

Hasta!

Yo estoy a mi mismo de nuevo.

Normal. My life is back to normal...all depends on your definition of normal.  I'll go with usual.  My life has returned to its usual.  Last week Janae Stork kept telling me that when they left my apartment would look huge.  And she was right.  My apartment has never been bigger, nor more quiet.  The day the girls left I returned to my apartment and flopped down on my bed again.  I just laid there (procrastinating the scrubbing that I knew would have to eventually ensue) and listened to the traffic on 95 and the idling engine of an ambulance at the ER of the hospital.  I hadn't heard that in a week.  Or more exact, I hadn't paid attention to that in a week.  What does your silence sound like?

Last week of pediatrics.  Not exactly enjoying this new clinic that I'm at, but if I can do anything for a month, then a week = piece of cake.  It's not a bad clinic, it just is a bit boring in the Peds area.  Today was better (a.k.a. busier).  Had some tougher patients tough. Little E.I. is in 4th grade and his teachers finally drew a line.  He got sent home from school today with instructions to see a doctor for his problem.  E.I. has been peeing his pants at school.  Difficult on a couple of levels for me. 1) How do I make an incredibly timid, shy and embarrassed E.I. feel comfortable?  2) How do I make mom feel comfortable?  I'm trying to explain the situation in Spanish, but don't know if my vocab choice correctly illustrates the message, nor do I know if the concern/encouragement I'm trying to portray by voice inflection translates correctly.  I leave a consult such as that one very dissatisfied with myself.  Did I even help at all? or just make the situation a bigger more confusing mess?  E.I. will probably stay with me for awhile.

Hasta!

Yo estoy sin amigas por un dia!

The girls took off to DC for the day.  And I have a delayed start to my work day.  Sooooo, I'm home alone for a few hours.  Weird.  The bad thing about visitors....they always eventually leave again. :(

 The sleeping set-up.  Let's just say, I'm out of luck if I need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Elf the Musical on Broadway!! L to R: me, Janae S., Amy H., Jamie F., Tracy Z.

Hasta!

Auld Lang Syne Times Square - NYC style!!!

Cheers to 2013!  I remember a year ago, sooooo thankful 2011 was over!  This year perhaps I'm glad once again that 2012 is over, but at the same time I'm thankful I'm able to at least smile as I remember my 2012! 

Here's to a year of experiences I never thought I'd ever have, and time after time life would amaze me!  Last night was one such experience!

Two old friends and two new friends from Illinois have set up camp in my studio for a week!  And yesterday we put on the layers and made the trip into the city and celebrated New Year's Eve in an epic Times Square style!

 We finally made it past the second police checkpoint!  Corralled like cattle...millions of cattle!  By the time we made it to the spot at 48th St and 7th Ave which we called home for the rest of the night it was shortly before 4:00 pm.  Yes, we were 5 blocks away from Times Square and it was only 4!   L to R: Tracy Zhou, Amy Hohulin, Jamie Finn, Janae Stork, Christine Lau

 We took turns giving our feet a rest.  Sitting right where we were standing!  Me and Jamie F.

 Those standing for the moment!  Tracy Z., Amy H., Janae S., Christine L.

 L to R: Amy H., Janae S., Tracy Z., Christine L., Jamie F., me

 And once again!  If we look cold, it's because we were!  They had brought hand warmers in abundance from Illinois!  They saved my poor fingers!  Tracy had up to 6 warmers in one boot!

We got the free hats!  Almost got trampled trying to get them, but so worth it!

And then what kind of friend would I be if I didn't share the final countdown to 2013 with you!  Epic!  I apologize for my counting and screaming, but it's part of the experience! ;) 

I wish you all a 2013 filled with happiness and blessings! 

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

Hasta!