Yo estoy porque yo soy.

This blog post is a long time in coming.  About 4 years late in coming in fact.  Why did I name my blog "Yo Estoy"?  But I figured better late than never, and since I didn't explain when I moved to Mexico might as well explain when I moved back.

For those that know Spanish I apologize if I do a horrible job explaining, but I'm definitely not a Spanish teacher.

Back in 1st or 2nd year Spanish, when you finally get to learn verbs, the first (so it must be the most important) is ser (translated: to be) then immediately followed by estar (translated: to be).  Yes, Spanish has two words for the verb 'to be', making it's own argument for why Spanish is a harder language than English to learn.  A Mexican, who learns Spanish verbally, can correctly use them both without even knowing why they sometimes use ser and other times estar. (I've actually explained it to them before.)  But us, being those who learned Spanish from a textbook, learn that there is a set of rules dictating when to use ser and when to use estar.  In other words, in the Spanish language, what kind of 'to be' you use sends a message in addition to the simple 'being' action you want.  In a sense, it describes the 'be'. 

To use ser and estar in the past tense a completely different set of rules dictates when to use which one, so even though I'm going to explain the basic presant tense rules just know that even though to a certain extent they can, they can't exactly be used in the past tense.

The most basic way that I remember when to use ser and estar in the presant tense is by length of time.  Estar is used for something that is currently happening but has an end point, or used for a current state of being that will change.  Ser is used for something that is a permanent sate of being.  In an even more simplified explanation, estar = change, ser = permanent. 
Examples:
Yo soy niña. - I am a girl.
Yo soy cristiana. - I am a Christian.
Yo estoy escribiendo. - I am writing.
Yo estoy cansada. - I am tired.


When I choose to name this blog "Yo Estoy..." and it's URL yo estoy en mexico. I was admitting up front that I where I was going and what I was doing was not permanent.  What I am today is not necessarily what I will be tomorrow.  Where I am today is not necessarily where I am going to be tomorrow.   Four years ago, by naming my blog "Yo Estoy..." it was almost as if I subconsciously knew that the road that lay ahead of me was full of change.  That who I was when I moved to Mexico was going to somehow get left behind and who I emerged as four years later was going to be someone different.


For the most part I titled my blog posts along those same lines, "Yo estoy..."  Maybe only about 1/4 of the time did those sentences actually relate to the content of the corresponding post.  Sometimes I just put an emotion I was feeling at the moment.  Other times I couldn't think of anything to put so I just put the first random adjective that popped into my head.  On rare occasion I would try to say something with the title that perhaps one would only understand what I was trying to say if you'd learned Spanish from a textbook like me.  
For example the title of this particular post.  Yo estoy porque yo soy.  Literally translated: I am because I am.  But taking into account ser and estar, what that translates as to me (not literally): I am able to be me because I know who I am. I am able to constantly change, allow God to continue to mold and shape me because my core is permanent.  Without a ser, without a firm foundation, in my opinion it is virtually impossible to estar.  Because without knowing who you are how can you define yourself or know what you are changing from or into.  


I suppose I didn't have enough long term insight when I made the URL 'yo estoy en mexico', because even though I am no longer in Mexico I still stand by my initial reasoning behind "Yo Estoy..." and therefore will continue to use this blog as I move onto the next stage of my life in New York.  


Hasta!