Te quiero.

 "I'm mad at you!" he declared, as I walked into his hospital room. I paused, unsure of how to take his declaration, as it was not the typical expression usually received from my post op patients. He elaborated for me, "I'm sore, and," he held up his coffee cup for emphasis, "I want some toast!" 

He was an elderly, stubborn gentleman I'd had the pleasure of meeting the day before. He had only finally presented to the hospital after a week of pain and not being able to tolerate food. His gallbladder by then had turned into varying degrees of dead and dying, and of this he was blissfully ignorant. His independence of the utmost import to him, he had requested I not call anyone or talk to anyone after surgery. Life, he went on to explain, had always seen him as the caretaker of others, and he refused to acknowledge that roles perhaps needed to be reversed. 

And now I stood, apparently on trial, and I wondered was this worth it. Worth the tip-toeing through tiger country for over an hour to find his thin little duct and its accompanying associated artery? I smiled. I've handled much worse. I proceeded to strip his blissful ignorance away layer, by layer. His eyes grew round. He sat a little deeper in the bed. He sheepishly confessed that he had just been teasing wanting toast, and by the end we were joking about when the funeral for his dead gallbladder was going to be held.  

Sometimes those stubborn grumpy elderly individuals, are the softest teddy bears on the inside.  As I left his room the following day he even told me that he loved me, explaining that in general, we don't say that often enough to each other. 

I love you.

Estamos parte.

Jake and I went to the Indiana Fever game this past Saturday. 

Change is a fact, a given. It will happen. It doesn't necessarily mean it's a good thing, but at the same time not a guaranteed evil. We see peoples and nations split on their opinions of which way the wind blows in that regard. Despite differing opinions, one thing I believe most of us could agree on is the frightening unknown turns that are brought about by that change. Scary even? 

What does change have to do with basketball? Right now, in 2024... everything. 

It's an exciting time for the game of basketball, and I just wanted to claim a ticket. Wanted to be a part of that good change, and say that I was there for it. I saw it happen. 

Claimed our tickets up there in the nose bleeds.

It was worth it! Not only did the Fever win against the #1 ranked NY Liberty, with a rather impressive come-back I might add, but the team played well. And of course Caitlin Clark made WNBA history with the first-ever rookie triple-double (19 points, 13 assists, 12 rebounds)

We were there for it. We saw it happen!

Saturday evening were the Brookston fireworks. 

Just like our neighbors to the right and to the left we set up camp in the back yard to watch the display. They... on the group around campfires, complete with smores.

Us... perched on the ridge of the shop. 

 

All in all a good day. Jake and I are enjoying the time home this summer.

Much Love.

Estamos renovando otra vez.

 A much smaller room, and yet required a more in depth renovation which prohibited it from being done in stages. 

The mudroom renovation started when Jake and I were down in Mexico. Our task was to have the mudroom cleared out and have adequate supplies available before leaving. Then while we were away, a couple friends came and dry walled the entire room including framing a closet for us. The subsequent two months saw us attempting to mud and sand, then mud again following by painting and then tiling of the mudroom. It felt good to finally move our shoes back to their assigned shelves and off the floor from around the house in whichever room they had landed themselves. 

Once again, Jake was the master designer here, plumber, tiler, and all, and I his helper, trying to keep up, keep out of his way, and keep things clean. Ultimately failing at all three but despite that, we managed to put together a nice little mudroom. The before and after pictures much more dramatic than our kitchen pictures. 

This is the closest before picture we could find. This was already after a lot of clean up, and placement of the insulation in the walls.

Current state of the mudroom. Still a few small things (second closet door needs to be hung etc). But all around not too bad. 

Much Love.

Estoy nadando.

 The US Olympic Swim Trials were held in Indianapolis. Jake and I took advantage of the location to attend one of the days with our niece Sadie. It was a fun day, slightly warm walking around all the outside festivities in between the prelims and the finals, but a good time. We told Sadie we look forward to when she qualifies!

Wishing Team USA Good Luck in Paris!

1st. 2nd. 3rd. Yet Jake is still the tallest!

Eiffel Tower Replica in Indianapolis.

We finally found the huge goggles!

Michael Phelps present for the finals. I totally played it cool.

National Anthem before the finals. 

For those who missed them, I hear they'll be held in Indianapolis for the next summer Olympics in L.A. as well, so look for them in 4 years. 

Much Love.

Estoy agradecido por tiempo.

What's the phrase? "If it were easy, everyone could do it." Or something along those lines. A very safe vague phrase that can be applied in a plethora of scenarios. Usually shared as a means of reassurance in a time of struggle or defeat; it is ment to placate or tranquilize the overwhelming feelings of failure. Feelings, emotions and fears that plague even the best of surgeons from time to time as well. I assisted one of my partners in a case a few months ago. It was a situation in which he didn't need my help, he had the ability and the knowledge required to perform the necessary tasks, but it was a situation in which he acknowledged his own vacillating state of mind and wasn't sure if he could trust his own decision in the moment which is required in the operating theater. So when those same periods, for whatever reason, seem to plague my own work I try to power on through as bravely as possible. Usually with very exhausting results. 

The last few weeks was like an overgrown bog that I was drowning in despite my best efforts at treading, or swimming. My wrist vibrated while sitting in church one evening the other week for the West Lafayette Vacation Bible School.  My heart rate spiked as my adrenal glands responded to the stimulus by dumping adrenaline into my blood stream.  Hurriedly making my way out of the sanctuary to respond, the various worst-case scenarios ran through my conscious filling me with worried dread at what I was about to hear.  In the end, my post op patient hadn't urinated yet after surgery and they just wanted permission to let her go home. It took me a few moments to compose myself, but the state a simple benign phone call had sent my sympathetic nervous system into, illustrated to me just perhaps on tilt I, myself, was becoming. 

It happens to us all in whatever line of work we pursue, and I know the pep-talks I can self-deliver to walk my way through the decisions as difficult as they can become, but it doesn't make those periods any easier, and definitely not enjoyable. I few things have helped me in the past. 1) Time. Simple passage of time, let the events that weigh on us lighten by the magic of a new sun rising every morning.  2) Rest. Whatever this looks like for you whether that be physical rest or sleep versus taking a long run or ride, but it is stepping away from a situation to clear one's mind and allow it to reset.  3) Community. Finding those friends or loved ones that understand your situation, and recognize you are not alone. 

Jake had a week of training out in Folsom, California last week. We took the opportunity to add a quick adventure onto the end of his week, and it could not have come at a more opportune time for me, providing a source of time, rest and community that was sorely needed. 

I was able to spend a day with Monica and talk life and surgery. After Jake finished for the day, he was able to join us and we spent the evening together enjoying California.

D.A.M.N. GOOD Lavender Farm and Apiary

 

Breakfast with cousin Jerry, followed by a spontaneous tour of downtown Sacramento.

 

Followed by a train ride home again aboard the California Zephyr.

There was nothing but time and rest as we paused our busy lives and watched the countryside go by our windows.

I am thankful for the time we are blessed with, and pray we can redeem it well. 

Much Love.

Estoy contemplando los hábitos

 I logged into EPIC the other day.... or maybe I should say I tried to log on. It wasn't until after multiple denials and reattempts at my password that I realized I had used 'ycs4' as the username. 'ycs4' had been my log in all through residency. 

And then the following day, I called a patient, and had to stop myself from announcing I was calling from Westchester Medical Center. Stopping myself was only half of it as it took at least 3 whole very long seconds of stammering to remember where I was actually calling from. 

Proof that habits, like repeated thousands and thousands of times over many years, those kind of habits, can become so subconscious, impossible to forget the pattern.

Resolve to be intentional in habits.

Say good morning when you wake up. Take the stairs.  Fist bump Jesus just because. Drink from a reusable glass. Bear hug the niblings...

Speaking of which...

Jake and I had a fun Saturday at the House on the Rock with Carrie, Troy and the boys. 

The Infinity Room

Plaques hanging outside the apothecary's shop. I couldn't resist.

A carousel you can't actually ride? Still impressive.

Amazing sunset on the drive home. 

Much Love.

Estamos viajando con vision.

 It's been a blur the past few weeks. From one car ride to the next airplane flight on to a passenger train, back to the car then the plane and so on and so forth. 

We spent a week in Mexico.

Barra Vieja

 

Daily stop at our favorite panaderia.

Coco, even better with Valentina salsa

 

 

Spending time with brothers and sisters (Angelica, Kike, Bartolo, Pablo, Tomas, Cruz, Maria, Sostenes, Jake and I)

Visiting family in Ixtlan

Exploring Guadalajara

Back in Indiana for a day of work before shooting off to Connecticut for Amanda & Keith's wedding!

Jenna & I with the beautiful bride.

The whole wolfpack. Next stop: Bhutan.

Amtrak back to Indiana.

sunrise from the train.

Then we returned to Honduras. Hospital Loma de Luz had reached out in need of surgical coverage for a time, and due to other travels (see above) I had one week remaining that I could offer. Jake busied himself with repurposing/redesigning of a very large building while there.

 

preop

operating rooms

Elise was there for a month, proving what a small, small world it is. I had stayed with Elise probably about 20 years ago on a young group invite in Bluffton.

Comparison picture. Left taken this trip and right last August, demonstrating the smoke/effect of the wildfires that have been burning Honduras for the past month.

Jake 3-D rendering the building in preparation of remodeling.

Jake hard at work.

Not able to see the sunset due to the smoke in the air... but still can appreciate the colors.

OR team for the week: Sergio, Karlita, Doris, Ingred, missing Rosalinda

Comparison picture. Left taken this trip and right last August, demonstrating the smoke/effect of the wildfires that have been burning Honduras for the past month.

The OR team for the week + Paul, who had come down for the week to provide anesthesia for all of our cases.

And then home again, home again, jiggity jig.

Nice to be back in Indiana and catching up again. 

Much Love.