Estoy aqui en medio.

Another month.

Spent a lot of time on the phone tonight signing out all of our trauma patients to the two interns who will be taking up the trauma mantel. We are handing them a list roughly half the length of the list we received a month ago. Is it okay to feel some pride about that?  I know....probably not.

My conclusion about trauma: No. Not for me.
Granted this is an initial conclusion and subject to change as I gain more experience.
But....I was not the kind of doctor that I want to be this past month.
I'll go even further, I am ashamed of the kind of doctor I was this past month.

I could pass an entire day without seeing a patient.  The patient still got cared for.  The work was done.  If they needed studies, ordered and sent.  If they needed consults, called and seen. Plan clarified and seen through.  But, all without myself physically laying eyes on the patient. This wasn't a common happening, but....it wasn't rare either.

I rarely said goodbye.  Once I clicked that 'discharge' button....I immediately took out my paper list and wrote 'bedcheck' next to that patient's name. And in my mind I had already moved on to the pressing needs of those still 'admitted.'  Before I knew it, time had passed and they were long gone.  No goodbye.
Towards the end of the month there were a two goodbyes I made. Both had been patients since before my time. Really bad trauma cases.  Many many surgeries required for each. And despite the fact that both were young individuals with a long road of recovery in front of them...both were cheerful, pleasant individuals.
I got to spend some time one afternoon taking a bunch of complicated sutures out of her abdomen. She had been going to school to be a cop.  But not anymore.  Now.  Now she wants to be a surgeon.
And him.  His insurance kept denying his placement.  Let me tell you, talking with insurance companies is the absolute pits.  I'd so much rather deal with the government than with insurance companies.  But we got it eventually. And....he didn't look happy.  Truth be told, he was nervous. I told him he would be fine.  And he will, he'll be just fine.  I told him, I'd love to be there when he walks again.  He choked up.  "Seems like that would be a miracle," he said.  I said, "I believe in miracles."

I do kind of regret, that I don't take the time to tell stories more often.  You get some of the craziest stuff on trauma. And there's no way I'll be able to remember it all. But I'll be back for more soon enough.

I'm on Night Float for the month of October.  The night float intern takes signout from all of the surgery teams on the floor.  There's three floor teams. So one person carries three lists of patients through the night......and tries to not let any of them die, until morning when he/she can sign them back out again to their respective primary teams. Things I'm looking forward to about Night Float.  No daily progress note writing!  And no discharges, meaning no discharge dictations to do!  Except for the random crazy patient who decides to leave AMA at 2am I suppose. ;)

Trying to stay up late tonight....so I can sleep late tomorrow....so I can stay up all night tomorrow night!

Much Love.