Yo estoy cortando un arbol.

“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.”

~ Abraham Lincoln

 

I'm still in Internal Medicine.  Still working on the same team.  But starting this past Tuesday I've been tag-teaming with a different resident.  I've had 5 weeks with the first and will have 2 weeks with the second.  And it does Not take a brain surgeon to notice the differences in their approach to work.  I used to work with Binaya, and he quoted Abraham Lincoln to me once claiming the quote as his motto.  (See quote above).  Now I work with Milton who works more along the lines of HeeeyyyLookThere'sATree!  Let'sGoChopItDown!  ReadySetGo!!!!

 

I'm kind of torn between which approach I prefer.  I see the wisdom behind Binaya's approach.  It's much more thorough and complete. Whereas Milton allows much more to slip through the cracks and I feel the need to repeatedly remind him of things.  But...working with Binaya, he would spend four hours sharpening the axe after which.....the axe was still rather dull somehow.  Plus, in the meantime I would go and chop the tree down anyways. So by the time he was done sharpening his axe there was no longer a tree to chop down.  Whereas working with Milton, I'm expected to work much more autonomously.  Do my work and then report back and then make sure of the follow through myself.  It's a much more efficient use of teamwork.  Everyone works, everyone chops and at the same time in so doing we are making sure that all of our axes stay sharp.

 

I suppose...though I see the wisdom in Binaya's approach I'm leaning more towards Milton's approach.  I just breathe better when things are efficient.  And I don't mind working.  But if I'm doing someone else's work while they're sitting by nursing a dull axe....I start to work begrudingly.  And I don't like that.

 

Hasta! 

Yo estoy acercandome a las rocas.

I wrote the below post. And then I saved it.  I had a sister read it, and then asked, "Should I post it?"  Her response, "Yes, but do you want people to know you're feeling like that?"  Truthfully, no.  No I don't want anyone to know.  So then why am I posting it anyways? Truthfully, I'm not sure.  Except that I believe such "feelings" as I describe are not foreign to anyone.  I'm not alone in these struggles.  And if I can better understand them (put them into words) I feel like it has given them less of a hold over my being.  And perhaps it'll be the same for someone else.

I took the opportunity afforded me due to the holiday this past Monday to check some things off my list.  And first was letter writing.  I was horribly behind and way overdue in writing more than a couple of people a letter.  I don’t know if it’s easier to put thoughts into words when I’m talking to just one person, but in one such letter an idea came out that I had been wanting to put into words for a few weeks now, but been unable to.  So I may be cheating, but a little bit of copy/paste happened below.

It has now been almost three weeks since I’ve been able to fellowship with those of like mind and faith.  I will be the first to admit how spoiled I’ve been this year, to be able to gather with brothers and sisters on average 3 out of 7 days a week.  So three weeks without….I started noticing old habits reappearing.  Not bad habits mind you, maybe it was more just a reappearance of the state of mind I would settle myself into while in GDL.  I recognize that Jesus uses these times when I am by myself to remind me He is always there.  So from time to time He pulls me aside just to remind me.  I am so thankful for His constant presence and His friendship.  I hope He knows how much I love Him.  This time a nagging thought in the back of my mind accompanied my alone time with Jesus.  He knows whats coming….and I wondered does He know I’m going to be needing Him even more and is preparing me?

My time here in New York is quickly approaching its end, and unfortunately I still don’t know what will happen when that time finally does end.  Sometimes it excites me not knowing.  But most of the time, and especially lately since the time to know is drawing closer, it simply scares me.  I ask myself what will happen if no one wants me, and those ugly words “We’re sorry, but good luck” stare back at me?  I know that my future is in God’s hands, and everything will work out….somehow.  But what still scares me is how I will handle it?  I’ve gotten used to the denials and rejections so far, mainly because I’ve still had something else to do.  I could still be working and moving forward.  But how will I accept residency programs denying me, and telling me I’m not good enough for them?  When their rejection brings my forward movement to an abrupt halt, and my parachuteless skydive leaves me smashed among the rocks, at rock bottom.  Just as a ship stalled and randomly afloat in the middle of the ocean.  Will I believe what they tell me, that I am not good enough?  Everyone wants to be accepted, wants to be good enough.  And I wonder, if the world tells me otherwise, will I be able to hold onto the truth that Jesus still finds me good enough even when the world doesn’t?  Will I still be able to hold onto my purpose when in all appearances I’m nothing more than a purposeless vessel unable to do anything more than eventually sink.  May the Good Lord grant us the strength and courage in these self-defining moments to continue on and cross whatever lays before us.

Hasta!

Yo estoy enamorada!

I really do love Valentine's Day.  This year I wondered how excited I should be.  February 14, 2012 is the second best day of my life so far.  How could any subsequent Valentine's Day hope to compare?   The day was going to come, pale in comparison and then it would pass.  I guess I finally resigned myself to that fact.  And that like every other day I'd just have to move on too.  I checked back over the years to see how often I'd managed to blog on February 14th.   Though I've always had a post dedicated to Valentine's Day I was sad to see it was only 2 of 5 actually on the day itself.  Figured I'd make it on time this year and make it a solid 50%, 3 of 6.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

Many YouTubers post special videos for the holiday.  I thought I'd share two of my favorites from this year.

First of all of course, ThePianoGuys.   

Second, from Wong Fu Productions.

Happy Day of Love and Friendship.  I love you all!  God Bless

Hasta!

Yo estoy orando por ti.

Blogging three days in a row?  Can you tell I'm snowed in, and not on call? 

 The sun finally peeked through Saturday morning shedding light on what Nemo had left behind for all of us. 

Although it had cleared up and roads were manageable in New Rochelle by noon on Saturday, that was not the case in CT.  My trusty little Honda would not have done well had I attempted going North.  That being said....when I finally went down to check on my car....I'm not sure I could have even gotten my car out of the parking lot anyways.  However, I do remember one particular snowstorm at ISU when cookie sheets and plastic drawers became shovels for a few hours!! A little imagination and determination can go a long way.  On the other hand, temperatures are going to be in the 40s this week.  This time I think I'll let Mother Nature give me a head start.  And while I'm waiting for that, a quick walk to the corner store for the essentials (a.k.a. milk) it is.

Funny, I would have thought New Yorkers would know the difference between spreading salt and dumping salt!!

Hasta!

Yo estoy varada.

Sun is shining and roads are cleared where I am, but CT is another story.  Looks like I'm stayin' put and joining my church family via the WorldWideWeb this weekend. Sigh.

Wanted to share with you a short prose poem with you.  There's something for everyone in it.

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann 

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its shams, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy

Hasta!

Yo estoy sobreviviendo la nevasca.

I woke up this morning, looked outside, and started singing...

  "Here comes the snow

Do, do, do, do

Here comes the snow, and I say 

It's all right..

Do do do do, do do, do do"

...And I've been singing it ever since. Stuck in my head it is.

Mr. Loco was not there to meet me when I returned to the hospital on Monday.  We've since had others presenting with some psych problems, but I don't know...they just all seem to pale in comparison now.

A little old lady came in with vomiting and diarrhea.  I liked her though because I got to speak with her in Spanish, and whenever we'd enter the room she'd say, "Ay! Doctorcito!!"  She always has her 49ers blanket neatly spread over her bed.  I d0n't have the heart to bring the subject up with her though.

A bed ridden old man came in with dangerously high levels of sodium in his blood. (high everything to be honest)  A problem like that actually takes quite a bit of math and a lot of monitoring to set right, so a bit of brain power was required there.

To tell you the truth...I really haven't studied anything Internal Med related in over a year.  I've always got surgery books with me instead.  So it's my own fault I'm so rusty when calculating free water deficits and infusion rates.  Oh well.  I'm trying to dust out the cobwebs that have collected in my brain, but it's a rather tiring process.

I would like to make it to CT this weekend as I'm not on call.  But for now the snow is still coming.  We'll see what tomorrow brings.

"Snow, snow, snow, here it comes

Snow, snow, snow, here it comes

Snow, snow, snow, here it comes

Snow, snow, snow, here it comes

Snow, snow, snow, here it comes"

"Here comes the snow

Do, do, do, do

Here comes the snow, and I say 

It's all right..

Hasta!

Yo estoy esperando.

I would say this week was perhaps a bit more interesting.  Primarily due to all the crazies landing on our patient list.  How we got so lucky I have no idea.  One such patient came into the ED because he couldn't catch his breath.  His belly was so blown up, so pretuberant not only could he hardly breathe but he could hardly move.  When I saw him for the first time he was sitting on the side of his bed.  When he was attempting to lay back for his belly to be seen, a few times I half feared he was going to fall forward out of the bed instead of back into the bed.  He eventually made it on his back though.  The fact that this man had allowed his abdomen to become in that state in the first place without seeking treatment should have clued us in....hellooooo not in the proper state of mind this one!!!  When the initial tap of this man's abdomen was done 5.5 L of fluid came off, and further ultrasound showed much more remaining.  However, the patient could then breath and walk again and his true colors shown through.  He was paranoid of everything, belligerent and completely inappropriate in his interactions with anyone and everyone.  You'd knock in the morning and enter the room just to be met by a string of profanity.  You'd eventually make your escape only to be followed by a bellowing unkempt individual (at this point smelling way beyond pleasant) into the hallway and all the way to the nurse's station where he'd continue on his rant disrupting hospital life the whole way.  The worst part of this situation is we as medical care providers were stuck between a rock and a hard place.  This patient without a doubt needs inpatient psychiatric care.  However, any such care facility would refuse his transfer as he's not medically stable.  But we couldn't get him medically stabilized because he was noncompliant in everything from taking meds to going for tests.  He wouldn't let us do anything for him, but he wouldn't leave either.  I'm not on call this weekend, and am very curious whether he'll still be there waiting for me Monday or not.

I had a couple of dreams this week.  One I was getting my hair trimmed and a couple of inches got wacked off instead.  I think I cried.  That's actually happened a couple of times this particular hair growing, it's probably set me back a good 4 inches if not more.  And so the idea of that happening again....not happy.  I had originally thought that this summer I'd be good to donate again, and I haven't measured yet, but I'm willing to bet I'm probably a good 4 inches short.  Sigh!
The second one was a crazy crazy dream.  My alarm woke me and I was so disoriented took awhile to realize it was my alarm.  I finally gathered my sense of self enough to hit the snooze and 2 seconds later there was nothing.  Not even a shred of the dream left behind, only the sense that I had lost something great.

Sunrise from my apartment one morning.  One thing about the sunrise in New York.  It's pure gold!  I would have never called a sunrise golden before, that's more an adjective saved for the sunset.  But in NY, it's a rich liquid gold that just flows and engulfs the city bringing a new day with it!  (Of course my picture doesn't do it justice!)

Hasta!