Last week saw another busy call week come and go. There are busy weeks, I can handle those. But add the anticipation and anxiety of waiting for the pager to go off. The fear of missing a call. And the physical inability to sleep due to regularly spaced phone calls, and the result is rather frazzling. I can't even get a run in on those weeks, since I have to be within 10 minutes of the hospital at all times. So I bottle it up, save it for Monday.
I also received a phone call last week. It was from the program director of the Global Surgery Fellowship program I was to start in a few months. The same program I've been in communication with for the past four years about my matriculation. They have officially lost funding to support a fellow for the year starting in July. A part of me was expecting it I guess. The PD had been open with me about the issues he was having with securing the funds, and when he said he would know by March.... that kind of clued me in. Not in March, nothing good comes in March. I've already ridden the roller coaster once round. The failure, the disappointment, the pressure. But I'm good. Always good with Jesus beside me. Can't have growth and learning without failure. Can't have purpose without being willing to pick myself up yet again. Can't have diamonds without pressure.
In short, I was very excited for it to be Monday. Turned my music up extra loud in my car on my drive to and from Rennselaer yesterday. At home put both head phones on. Relishing in the fact that I didn't have to listen for my pager. And to run. I've only had time for quick short runs, but I take what I can get. And to sleep without interruption. Bliss.
So, as I said in the last post. Never say never. Makes more sense now, diving into robotics. God has me staying in Lafayette a while longer than initially anticipated. hmmm, a little déjà vu? I've still work to do here. Or maybe, simply, He's not yet done working on me here. Either way, I'm here and I find peace trusting in God's delight for me, whatever that may be or come. I stay.
Much Love.
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