Estoy sin deseado.

My rotation on Endoscopy progressed more or less the same from day to day. I'd show up in the mornings, figure out which Attending did not have one of the GI fellows with them for the day, and approach to ask if I could work with them. All but one of the Attendings would produce a visible cue of unwant to my question. Whether it was a sigh before responding, a deflecting comment, or a shuffle and a muffled response about how they have to get done in time for a meeting, etc. etc. I ignored them all, I will most likely have to do my own scopes at some point in the future, so I was bent on learning as much as I could. I knew I was not going to come anywhere close to mastery in my four weeks, but all the more reason to learn as much as I could as my time was limited. Unfortunately, one of the Attendings got too annoyed. Which was strange in itself, as in my past whenever I've caused annoyance, it's been on account of my lack of questions. Maybe he interpreted my questions as unrealistic, as I was asking about his technique. Could he explain to me just how he had managed to reduce the loop and maneuver the flexure I had just been unable to pass?  But he stopped me, and raising his voice, informed me that my presence was a joke, and there was no way I could learn scopes in just four weeks.
long pause. 
What can a girl do?
Move on. I'll do scopes one day, and I'll be able to maneuver them completely and safely.

That being said, I'm glad the rotation is ending early for me. You get tired of that environment after awhile. I'd forgotten to give myself a day off the past couple of weeks. On these off rotations, since I am a team of one, I am not required to fill out an attestation form covering everyones schedule. But in not putting it on paper, didn't realize until after the fact that I'd forgotten to take a day. But, it actually works out better, because I'm going to take them all now instead. I'm leaving tomorrow for a medical fair in Anguilla. One of the PA's in our ICU is from Anguilla and annually puts together this medical fair for his island. He invited me to go. The only two instructions he had for me was that I had to bring my white coat and my stethoscope. The two exact items you'll never actually see me with when in the hospital. (Well, outside of the trauma bay at least, have to have the stethoscope in the trauma bay.) So they are both wrapped up and at the bottom of my backpack ready to go.

Much Love.