Estoy agradecida.

My neighbor knocked on my door the other night.  Inquisitively I opened the door.  He was standing there with a pizza box and one question. "Do you like pizza?" Now that, is the easiest question I've been asked in a long time! Yes, I like pizza!  He had gotten the day's extras from the nearby pizza shop in addition to his order and was hoping to share with his neighbors.

November has been perhaps the fastest month of residency yet. Don't have a lot to say about the last bit of the month of November. It wasn't the most pleasant of experiences due to some tension amongst team members. I initially tried to sooth things over, which I quickly realized was making things worse. So I kept my head down, and rode the storm. And it calmed down on it's own time. By the last few days of the rotation the laughing and smiles had increased again, not to it's previous level, but it was at least on an upward trend.

I'm not naive to think that with billions of people in this world and as many individual personalities, that all will necessarily like me. There will be those that revile me, and say all manner of evil against me falsely. I'm not to be surprised when it happens. I'm not to retaliate when it happens.  I'm to check myself, my position and the intentions of my actions.  And I am to love. Love as Jesus would love though unrequited.

That's easy to say, even easy to put into words. Much harder to put into action. Hard to not doubt everything you've worked for. Hard to walk unashamed. Love does make it possible to do so, not easy, but possible.

I start at Bridgeport tomorrow for the month of December. It was an interesting month last time I was there, and it is bound to be yet another interesting month.

Estoy pequeña.

Was able to make it into the city last Saturday evening. I was meeting up with Amy H. as she had made the trip East with a collection of international students from ISU. They were spending their time handing out Thanksgiving dinners, etc around Brooklyn and Manhattan. They were very gracious to let me join them for the evening.

Had to capture the 'selfie stick'. They really enjoyed the ability to take fun group pictures. And I enjoyed watching them.  I may have jumped in on one of them ;)

 

Much Love.

Estoy distraída.

I haven't gotten a whole bunch done today.  I've sat here in front of my computer.  Good intentions to be productive, but then my eyes stray up.  And I see the sun shining outside the window.  Such a beautiful clear autumn day.  Now the shadows are starting to stretch.  I've had to reach and turn on the lamp beside me.  And I'm torn. Between watching until the last light has moved on, or diverting my gaze back down to the computer screen and accepting the inevitable.

I'm trying to do the later, but my eyes keep looking up.  Time is going so fast.


I mentioned before that I have opportunity on this rotation to see more of my patients!  A definite plus.  However, as a result of that I'm getting comments from both patients and their family members.  Things like,  I'm the first person they see in the mornings and the last in the evenings.  When do I sleep?  First of all, I know that to be a lie, because I just came off night shift and know that both their nurses and nurses' aide have interrupted them at least a couple times through the night. I'm neither the first nor the last.  And second of all, would they rather I not do my job? Not communicate the plan with them? Not make sure they are okay?  I'm socially adept enough, to know that they are pointing it out from geniality. Because we then laugh together, and I make some joking quip in return.  But inside I wish they wouldn't comment on it. Perhaps it's yet another default I have, but this job, this residency, this path I'm walking isn't a joke to me.  I want to see them first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening. To wake them up, and then tuck them in, figuratively.

Another part of the intern job is to look after the students.  We have both medical students and PA students on our team, four currently.  Makes for quite a sight when I round in the mornings. Like I've got four tag-a-longs shuffling behind as I move from room to room.  They're pretty great all in all. I mean, they get to sit there and listen as my chief makes sure to point out every detail that I haven't performed to perfection. Yet they still tag-a-long with happy smiles on their faces.  :)

I discharged a patient to rehab this past week.  I'm half expecting her to be back when I get there in the morning.  She had an acute surgical problem, which had been addressed during her hospitalization.  However, watching her recover it became apparent to me that her acute problem had actually occurred in the first place from an underlying chronic psychological issue, which due to her acute problem can not be currently addressed. And unfortunately, her chronic issue is bound to land her back in the hospital right quickly.  Only question is when.

Much Love.

Estoy feliz.

I'm really happy to be back on days.  I mean...I knew I was struggling, especially towards the end of the month, while on night float.  But, with the renewed ease that a smile comes, makes me realize that I may have just been flat out depressed last month and in denial about it. I get to see all of the night nurses when I start and then again as I am leaving.  They at least act like they're sad I'm no longer with them.  Whether it's an act or not, it makes me feel like I must have done something right.  And for the most part I miss them too.

In general, ACS is not one of the more hectic services. There's time to actually talk to my patients.  Get to know them.  And I'm able to make it to the OR. It's pretty amazing.  Our team is actually a few members larger than it has been the past couple of months.  For one reason there is a resident rotating on our service  from another residency program specifically for all of the transplant cases.  Due to the nature of the service combined with the larger size of the team, those most senior are treating it almost as a vacation month.  They take turns having a day off.  Then the rest of them will text me mid-afternoon, once their last case has finished, to let me know that they are headed home and to call if I need anything. And then you should see the rounding schedule for the weekends and holidays this month. There's two people assigned for each day. Me and then one of them. I guess it's a good thing they all feel comfortable enough letting the intern run the service.  But then again that just comes as part of the "intern" job description in the first place.

I was changing the wound vac on a patient's abdomen the other day. He had his eyes squeezed shut against the pain caused by the process.  I intermittently will get some conversation going to distract myself just as much as to distract him.  I asked him what he plans on doing once he is discharged. And without missing a single beat or even opening his eyes he immediately responded, "Go to IHOP!"  I couldn't help myself. I cracked up laughing. Not only for the pure randomness of his response, but also for the fact that it was one he had obviously been planning probably for some time already. Upon further conversation I learned he's going to get lots and lots of pancakes.  That he loves pancakes. 

Much Love.

Estoy andando lentamente.

Done with night float! Sunday night was too much. Glad to be done with that rotation.  First rotation so far that I am happy to move on from. Ended at 6am this morning. And my next rotation started immediately. 6am and the chief of Acute Care Surgery (my next rotation) was waiting outside of the conference room. He smiled and asked "are you ready?" This is the same chief that I worked with while at Bridgeport. Nothing's changed.

The other night I pulled a muscle using a stapler.  I'd like to be able to blame it on the stapler, but that almost makes the situation even more sad.  I hang my head at the sad sad shape.

I had finally made an eye appointment for myself last week.  And then slept through the appointment.  I had happened to wake up just after the appointed time and called asking if it was okay if I was a little late.  To which I got a big New York 'No'.  I rolled me eyes on the phone to their response, silly me...thinking I was in the MidWest or something. So I just fell asleep again. Will just have to figure it out later.

Much Love.