Yo estoy cansada.

Things just aren't going as planned today.  I was on call yesterday and only managed time to close my eyes for about 15 min at about 4:30 this morning.  So right off the bat, stumbling into my apartment, I just managed to drop my bag. hang up my coat, and take off my cell before crashing on my bed for a nap.  Forcing myself up again two hours later I left to go to Starbucks to listen to church, only to get into my car and have it not start.  I'm stranded.  Got my neighbor's opinion which just reflected my own.  I chuckled to myself at my reaction to the situation because it reflects my daily routine of patient care. 'What's the problem?' 'What's the plan?' Always gotta know the plan.  So, momentarily without vehicular assistance I trudged back into the hospital to set up in the corner of the cafeteria.  I made it just in time for morning service only to be horribly disappointed to find the service not turned on.  So I waited it out hoping for the afternoon service....nope.  No such luck.  Afternoon service is currently underway in Gridley, and I'm getting nada.  Sigh!  I'm glad my day wasn't "planned out" much further than this, because I'm really not liking the current trend.

Ah Ha! Just had an idea!  I'll download some recent sermons and then be able to listen to them when I go back to my apartment.  Problem solved! :)

The Emergency Department now is recognizing me as a member of the Surgery Team.  We respond and take lead on all of the trauma cases.  This past week it was just one of the Housestaff and I taking call when a trauma comes in.  The doctor I was working with sent me ahead of her.  I rushed into the ED and immediately everyone was looking at me to make the decisions.  Thankfully the doctor was very close behind me because I was caught off guard and quite horribly tongue-tied until she arrived.

Happy Sunday everyone!  Hope yours is proving to be much smoother than mine! :)

Hasta!

Yo estoy pos-guardia.

I'm blogging again!! Already?!! Wow!  I'm post-call today and bummed about it.  There were some really good cases scheduled for the OR today and I can't even be at the hospital.  I got away with it last week, but got some questioning looks so figured I better not push it.  Plus....I've got to work on other things.  I'm calling residency programs today.  Say there's 200 gen surg residency programs in the states.  I spend 1.5 min on the phone with each...well I've surpassed my min limit on my cell plan right there.  It's tiring.  And after so many calls the introvert in me starts screaming...Stop! Stop! No more talking to strange people!  It's good for me though.  It's one of my goals for this year...to lose some the introverted desire I have to hang in the back and not talk to anyone.  Plus, these phone calls are ultimately helping me narrow my residency search.  Even though it's just 1.5 minutes I can decipher a lot about a program by the attitude of who I'm talking to and even more so how they respond to my questions.  Emphasis on the HOW.  The residents that I work with at Sound Shore have also been very helpful in my whole approach to residency as a foreign med grad and answer all of my questions.  (As I left this morning I told the residents and housestaff not to have too much fun without me...they told me they'd wait till I got back tomorrow! :)

Hasta!

Yo estoy tomando un cafecito.

I haven't blogged much, but really nothing variable has been happening.  Since I really got into the hospital post-CS seems I haven't emerged much more than to sleep.  Want to know a secret?.....I don't mind.  The residents have sometimes asked why I'm smiling.  I don't know how to tell them it's simply because I'm where I want to be.  And the thought of being able to do this for the rest of my life makes me smile even bigger to the point where I'm bordering on "dork".  They tell me two years into residency and I'll no longer feel the same, I'll hate everyone by then.  Once again I don't know how to tell them, I've survived UAG without hating anyone....in fact survival has taught me more about loving.  I draw on a much bigger love than they could imagine.  It's not possible for Jesus to hate someone....how could I?  They of course don't believe me....I'll just have to show them one day at a time.

Today I finally have a day off.  I was excited to be able to sleep in.  My plan was to sleep in then go for a long long overdue run.  Well I sure slept in....a long time.  And woke up realizing that if I was going to make a dent in my work for the day...well I'd have to postpone the run. :(  I'm gonna have to figure out a way to better balance time.  Or just hurry up and get my ERAS stuff done so I can move down on my list of priorities.

Now I have a treat I want to share.  Back on the 4th of July.  Rebekah came to visit me on Tuesday then we went downtown on the 4th.  I randomly decided to video the events of the day.  But turns out I don't have any good editing program on my computer like I did on my old computer.  Fortunately Bekah does so I passed her the videos and she put together the following!! 



Hasta!

Yo estoy ansiosa.

I'm in Starbucks right now freezing my toeses off, but refusing to leave as my other option would be to sit and swelter in my studio.  I chuckle to myself as I feel it's really just what I'm used to.  Except for one difference.  In GDL there is reprieve at night when the sun goes down...not so much here.  I have the practical USMLE board exam on Tuesday of this coming week.  I'll head to Philadelphia on Monday.  I am really ready to get it over with, especially as it just adds to the seemingly permanent ball of panic which has taken up residence in my stomach.  We had a couple of meetings with an advisor of sorts for this particular Clinical Skills (CS) exam.  When I mentioned I was taking my exam soon his response of "Oh!" came with a hesitation and an obvious lack of the encouragement that I had been hoping for.  :( Any prayers you can spare for Tuesday would be extremely appreciated.

As for this ball of panic, it's a constant reminder that I am not handling my current life situation very well.  Living by faith is so much easier said than done.  I'm ashamed that I still struggle so much with letting go and leaving this mess in Jesus' hands when He has faithfully carried me through every time in the past.  It leaves no question that He will shine through at the end of this step also, and yet I still am convincing myself to apply for family medicine in addition to surgery.  As my test scores and medical school tell me I'm joking myself to even think I'd be given an interview for surgery.  As if I have to have a "back-up" when Jesus' plan needs no back-up plan.  Oh ye of little faith. :(

It's nice to have distractions from this:  We finally started in our respective rotations at the hospital.  I'm so excited to be back in the OR.  I was rather disappointed to arrive on Thursday and find everyone so unorganized.  I was really hoping for better...maybe at least that they would have known we were starting.  However, I wasn't about to waste my days in surgery and so just went to the ORs and invited myself in.  It felt good to be back.

Rockville is also an excellent distraction:  Last weekend a few of the sisters and I went tubing down the Farmington River. I totally got tossed in the rapids and what surprised me most was I hadn't even done it on purpose.  I was actually trying to stay in the tube.  And then we went to the Shore. 

 L to R: Carly, Ashley (Luginbuhl?), Lis Ballasy, Me, Rebekah Viens

 Connecticut shoreline at Hole in the Wall beach at Niantic, CT.

It was also an amazing surprise to show up at YG on Friday evening and to see my own FIRST cousin there, Kristin Stoller.  Not only did we get asked multiple times if we were twins, but in church on Sunday she had to redirect/correct so many people thinking that she was "the one staying for awhile." 

I need to focus on going over cases again.  It really helps me to breathe to tackle one stressor at a time. Right now priority is the CS on Tuesday.

Hasta!