Yo estoy decepcionada.

The other day in endocrine consult I saw a patient, thin, low BMI in fact, who had worked her whole life to maintain a healthy diet and exercise daily. And looking at her you'd never guess she was a mother of 4, you'd have to say she was successful. We had to tell her tests were showing results that would classify her as "pre-diabetic." She tried so hard to remain positive that even when tears started rolling down her cheeks her bright red lipstick was still turned up in a big unbelieving smile. She commented 'estoy decepcionada' (I'm disappointed). Watching her struggle is so frustrating because it's one of those times when life is so obviously not fair. I'm sure we've all been able to relate to her feelings of disappointment, frustration and deception. I myself am feeling it rather acutely at the moment. That frustration when you get thrown a cold fry for hard work and those that sometimes worked....when they felt like it...Big Mac on a silver platter. You can put it in perspective and tell the lady that perhaps she's now pre-diabetic, but if she hadn't worked so hard for so long not only would she probably be full-blown diabetic on insulin at this point but even worse may not have even gotten to meet her fourth child or worse she'd already be dead. But even perspective is hard to believe when disappointment has had the last say.

Here's some pictures from Thanksgiving:
Marlene, Morgane and I went for a jog/walk through Colomos to start the day.


Afterwards we stopped to enjoy the Japanese Gardens for a reflective moment.


They were excited about their first Thanksgiving: L to R: Me, Marlene, Morgane


Food table #1:



Food table #2: Jenn and her Turkey.


Drinks and desserts had their own separate tables. We had a lot of people, but were blessed with a lot of food. Plenty of leftovers for everyone to take some. We put some away. And still some left that the cleaning ladies are packing it all up into to go boxes to take with them. With the amount of food that Americans prepare and consume on this one day of the year, we could probably feed all 7 billion for that day. Could we try that? Could we feed the world instead of ourselves for a day?

....talk about one of life's unfairities. I was born into my family so I get to eat. You weren't so you don't. :( :(

Hasta!

Yo estoy bendecida.

That's Turkey for HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

:)

HAPPY 30TH ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!

LOVE YOU BOTH MUY MUCHO,

FOREVER Y SIEMPRE! ;)

From me!

Yo estoy enterrada.

Marlene and Morgane arrived Saturday and have been enjoying Mexico. Picking them up at the airport on Saturday it didn't matter that I had reminded myself many many times that the French do a double greeting I completely forgot and the result was some sort of French/American mix with a Mexican twist. Awkward, but to be expected. A nice thing about Marlene and Morgane is that I know they have experience surviving in a foreign country. I wave goodbye to them in the morning as they go off to explore and enjoy Mexico and I return to my room not worried about them finding their way back in the evening. Well...not too worried. But like I said before they both have survival skills and they both know a basic Spanish. Just a bit jealous of the adventures they are going to be having these next two weeks.

Some of the battle to take the step is proving to be mental for me. In my efforts to be prepared for anything I've somehow now convinced myself that I am going to fail the step. A feeling of doom accompanied by a sense of purposelessness with making any effort to study. Why study for something I'm going to fail anyways? If God has taught me anything these past 3 1/2 years it's been that my life is not my own. God's plans and schedule for my life do not take into account any personal plans that I have made. And where I am today has not been of my own doing. I think in a round about way I'm asking for prayer. I'm scared to fail. But even moreso I think I'm scared that failing will be my fault. That I tried to take my schedule into my own hands and went forward with it leaving God out of the equation. I need help to remember that a test is not going to change the fact that God deserves praise every new morning the same as every evening. That He still loves me with all my mistakes, and that not only my future but my very next step is still safe in His hands.

Hasta!

Psalm 113:3 "From the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same the LORD's name is to be praised."

Yo estoy destructor.

I'm super glad this week is over. Thanks be to my Best Friend for helping me through. Studying even when it ceases to be fun. It was a bit much. Juggling three finals this week while still running around HAL getting presentation done here, seeing patients there. Today's final proves that the week is just about caught up to me. Going over the test afterwards this happened more times than I'd like to admit...The answer is B, and I know the answer is B....and I put A why? Some of my classmates had all 6 finals this week (at least they weren't juggling anything else, and now they're done!!), but still I don't envy them what they must have struggled with this week. Needless to say there's going to be some major partying going on tonight on their part. I think I'll get back to some step studying. The countdown on my wall beside my desk is getting dangerously low.

My name got rearrianged again. It was for the Neurology final. The doctora called me Destroyer. The only way I knew to respond was cause she finally tacked a Christy on it. #1 Say Stoller with a Spanish accent #2 add the r between the t and o that English speakers even sometimes add #3 I have nooooo idea why she decided to put the d on the front....I have come up with one explanation. She said it as a filler while trying to figure out how to pronouce Stoller. d...d...d, Estroyer? The name got lots of cheers and laughs. I probably got really red. And a few have tried out the name themselves since then, but you'd see a look on their face immediately afterwards. A look that tells me I don't have to worry about "destroyer" sticking as a nickname.

My Wednesday final (the Neuro one) started early, and you don't really want to be rushing before an exam so I left home early. I turned onto Americas pointing my car in the general direction of the hospital to realize that I was going nowhere fast. It was standstill traffic. A lot of thumb-twiddling and slow deep breaths later I got to the site of the accident. The three lanes of Americas were squeezed down to 1/2 a lane through which everyone, yes even the Mexican buses, were squeezing past. So the whole trying not to rush and to get there on time didn't really go as planned, but good thing it's Mexico and the exam didn't start on time anyways.

While I was in Boston this past summer I met a group of people (spent the 4th of July with them) who were internationals (France and Germany mainly). Two of the French girls are coming to visit. They arrive in GDL tomorrow, will spend a few days here then go off and see the rest of Mexico ending back here in GDL two weeks later when they'll fly back to France. I prewarned them I'll have to be studying, but who but God knows how this weekend will play out. And I'm not sure just how they'll take to me getting up early to study. I may have to take to the couch for a few days. Just got to be flexible right! Go with the flow!

Hasta!

Yo estoy estudiosa.

My classmates have a nutrition exam today which overlaps my endocrine consult time so I get to be home early today. Got my first of a string of exams tomorrow so this is a good thing. I ate my lunch when I got home. It was 10:30 so was just starting to get hungry and could have waited, but I figured that if I ate my lunch then, I could call it my Mexican breakfast, and now I can have a Mexican lunch later!

My clinical cases doctora for endocrine is starting to make a habit of using me as her personal pronounciator. Things like Hürthle or Waterhouse-Friderichsen. Things difficult to pronounce in Spanish. I don't mind it, but... calling me out in front of everyone, I inevitably get red. My cheeks burn and all I can do is breathe and stare at the floor until I feel that it's sufficiently passed. A classmate once expressed a jealousy she had for my cheeks. For having a natural coloring and never needing blush. I told her she had no idea what it was she was wishing for.

For sometime now this semester I've been wanting a pair of white jeans. Just to change it up a little bit. But with just a few months left of actually needing them, it doesn't really justify such a purchase. And then I found a pair of white jeans that I've had the whole time. Probably bought by Mom for $2 from Spare & Share before I ever packed my suitcase for the first time. I tried them on and realized why they were on the bottom of the hanger and never worn. They don't exactly fit nor are they my preferred cut/style. I've been wearing them anyways these past 2 weeks. I never really picked up the typical sense of fashion girls tend to grasp in jr. high, and then in high school I was too distracted to do so. And graduating high school without fashion sense it's really too late to ever pick some up, and so you have people like me, wearing odd looking pants that don't fit. But with no sense of fashion anyways, I can't really bring myself to feel guilty about such a wardrobe.

That yipping puppy that ran out the door last week is back and licking it's poor stepped on paw. In other words, I've had to succumb to my priorities and suspend exercise for the next couple of weeks. Actually passing exams trumps bodily exercise for the time being. I solidified this decision by walking down the street and getting a bag of bolis. (A frozen ice cream treat). :/

Hasta!

Yo estoy enemigo de las ratas.

A great big rat decided to join us for Bible study Wednesday night. I never thought of myself as scared of rats, but that was before. All I'd ever seen were cute little mice. This was a grandote of a rat with a tail a mile long. Bible study momentarily suspended and armed with broom, mop, and tennis racket a few of us had it cornered where it proceded to hide in a bag. Mop attempted to move the bag and rat shot out of that bag headed straight for our feet. Oh boy I screamed! Didn't help that everyone was screaming. Out of the broom, mop and tennis racket, the racket was the only one that actually made an attempt at hitting the rodent. But then following the rat into the kitchen we closed all the doors to keep it there and broom and mop continued the pursuit while racket stayed outside the doors looking in through the windows. A quick trip to the store for sticky traps was made, I loaded on the peanut butter, and we finally returned to the Bible study. (Rat was killed the following day.)

A bit of time is devoted daily to studying nutrition. Today reading about introducing babies to real food I had to chuckle. The subheading was "Introduction of the Family Diet" and the first food mentioned was beans. I must be in Mexico!! :)
A few days ago I had planned on going for a run, and then was starting to feel lazy wanting to stay and study instead, but then I realized which subject of Nutrition I was studying that day: Obesity. and I was out the door faster than a yipping puppy who'd just gotten stepped on.

I debated about putting an update about the death of the Latin student last Sunday night and finally have decided to say something because I was wrong in my initial thought that it was an accident. Unfortunately it was a suicide by hanging. A tragedy that Satan can pull people so low they completely lose hope. This world needs hope.
- They told the Latin program that she died from a brain aneurysm, which is why I debated about saying something. I suppose they are trying to cover it.

In Hope