Sometimes I am very humbled by the lessons I learn. Almost embarrassed to admit that it has taken me as long to learn as it has. Thank goodness God hasn't given up on me as I lag behind on so many of life's lessons. After a very dry period of as least two years, I am thankful to admit I've finally let myself be vulnerable enough to open up and allow growth again this past year. It's been a good year as a result, a very hard year, but good. The most recent lesson I learned this past week was one of those I found myself embarrassed to have learned so late in life. I guess better late than never.
Lesson learned: Never say yes out of guilt.
My partner had asked for me to cover a few hours of his call. Thing was it was the middle of the afternoon, sandwiched in between my morning clinic and afternoon meeting. So I theoretically could be available. Trouble was I had other plans for that time and of course by covering call, always raises the risk that I would be needed. However, I had said no previously in the same situation, felt guilty saying no again when, as I said, theoretically, yes I could cover. So I said yes.
When he called me half hour early saying I was needed, I could see all my plans and my afternoon meeting disappear in a second, and I was frustrated. Even felt unjustified in having to cancel my afternoon plans/meetings. I had begrudgingly said yes, and that attitude carried over into my service. Really had to check myself to get into the right head space before meeting the patient. It definitely wasn't their fault. In the end I was able to take care of the patient, my partner was able to resume his responsibilities and I even made my meeting. But, lesson learned. I walked away from that experience promising myself that if I can't say yes cheerfully, then best not to say yes.
Paused my studying this past weekend long enough for a couple of social events.
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