Does it make me a bad doctor to not want to see a patient? Sounds awful when I put it simply like that. In my head I have a million point five excuses of why it would be better for all parties involved if I did not stop by and say hi.
Halfway through the month I transitioned from transplant surgery to pediatric surgery. We discharged one of my harder cases today. A little guy, big for his age, but still just a toddler, who came to us quite sick. He ended up exhibiting the worst case of white-coat syndrome, I’ve ever seen. And, we don’t even wear white coats on peds!!! I kept asking him to come play with me, and he would just scream and scream. My intern joked that he was going to record his little “no! no! no’s!” And make it the alarm on his pager! Broke my heart that he didn’t want to play with me, but honestly, his story is still happy at the end of the day.
A few names have floated on my list periodically during my time on the service the past couple of weeks. Oncology patients. When the Oncologists talk with us about their patients, the conversation goes something like this... “Well, it could be this... but it might not be... but with a biopsy, we could have more information... but they’re too sick... maybe not... so no then... but it could be that... maybe when we know... but we don’t know... and now the patient is more sick... we could have a window... perhaps you could... or you shouldn’t... here’s another idea...” ...and so on it goes with Pediatric Oncology. I get a very unsettled feeling when trying to work with them. As exhibited above, not only can you hardly ever get an actual answer from them, but just any conversation in general leaves you feeling completely useless. What can you do for these kids? I can’t even offer an encouraging word knowing that they would just see right through it. Time. Sometimes just as hard for the doctor to prescribe as it is for a patient to take as a treatment. And once it is prescribed, there’s not much altering from the course, except for the occasional patient that turns 180 degrees. Hence why they float on and off the list. They get a bit better one day, and surgery quick gets called, maybe there’s a window to get a procedure or two, or three done quick, before the window closes again.
Much Love.
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