Estoy uno de un millon.

Mid-life crisis. I am going to take the idea and correlate it to a mid-residency crisis. I figure in a 5 year residency I'm technically in the 3rd year, theoretically the middle. No one has ever really mentioned a mid-residency crisis before, but I'm pretty sure it's a thing. Whether medicine, psychiatry, radiology, etc. etc. etc. There is a point when the resident has to transition from a "feed me" learning to a trial-and-error learning, based on their own decisions and actions.

Unfortunately, there is no outline to follow. No step-wise algorithm to guide ones steps.  It can be quite stressful for an individual to navigate. To take the examples they have seen thus far and really for the first time start to implement them. 

Am I having a rough patch? Perhaps. But really, who doesn't from time to time. It's only normal to feel like you need a break, a respite, some R&R. Even Jesus walked away from it all when he needed to. Only difficulty with that in this particular case, is I can't exactly take that break. Frustration, stress just stays pent-up and borders on anger at it's inability to be released.

We push on nonetheless. When we hear the medicine resident slam down the phone in its cradle across the trauma bay, heads pop up at the sudden sound, but settle right back down again. We've all been there. Or when the chief yells that someone has touched their coat, everyone carefully tip-toes until safe to resume normal speed again. They weren't really mad about their coat. 

We'll make it through. As so many have done before and many many more will do for years after us as well. I'm just a small one of a million, all the same, no different from my fellow co-residents. Neurosurgery, Pediatrics, Oncology alike approach that mid-residency crisis when faced with staying true to themselves yet realizing what it means to be a Neurosurgeon, a Pediatrician and an Oncologist when in the trenches and on the front lines.

Much Love.