Estoy perdiendo mi pelo.

I lit my hair on fire the other day.

It was just a little bit and it was real quick. It was actually over with by the time I realized what had happened. And even then I was still in denial until I ran my hand through my hair and it came out covered with seared off broken bits of hair. And after picking through it left half curls all over my bathroom floor.

My hairdryer kind-of blew up in my hand. It had been sounding weird for weeks, and sounding like it was dying for days. I have now learned there is a time when it's too late to replace your hair dryer. *face palm*

My month of nights is finally starting to wind down. Two more nights! Tonight and then back for Sunday night yet! It's been a good month, all-in-all. The nights have been gentle on us, considering.  Yet I am still very much looking forward to moving on.

Much Love.

Estoy recibiendo misericordia.

Mercy: compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one's power

In my head, I interpret it as, not giving someone something they deserve.  In a way it can be seen as the opposite of Grace which would be giving someone something they don’t deserve.

I have experienced both recently.  In very strong ways, that I can’t forget, and am powerless to repay. It has given me a new understanding of mercy.  The act of mercy bestowed at the right time, in the right manner can be more effective than any punishment. In my own experience, mercy can be almost crippling.

For example, I was driving home from CT a few weeks ago. I had left right after church and in hopes of making it home with as much time as possible for a nap before heading to work, was probably being a little more lax on reigning in the speed.  In all honesty, I just wasn’t paying attention to it. So I got caught, of course. The officer pulled me over and when he told me what he had clocked me at I knew there was no way I was getting out of it. I deserved the punishment. Within 30 seconds he handed me back my license and registration with a smile and said, “Believe me, I understand needing a nap before your shift.”  For weeks now I think about it every time I get behind the wheel.  I used the term ‘crippling’ before, because knowing what I have been forgiven, I feel guilty to just be driving let alone speeding. It was obvious what I deserved and I was forgiven not begrudgingly, but immediately and almost with gentleness even.

Then again today I was reminded of how Mercy has played a huge roll in a different aspect of my life recently.  

I understand that such mercy would not have the same effect on everyone. The recipient must first feel the responsibility for their actions to understand the forgiveness for their actions. At the Pool of Bethesda (house of mercy) where a certain man with infirmity of 38 years was healed and later told by Jesus, “Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee.” John 5:14

I want to have a discussion with that man about grace and mercy.

Much Love.

Estoy disfrutando recuerdos.

We put an emergent hemodialysis catheter into a patient in the ED a few days ago. He was beyond rotund, the layers of extra tissue on his body making it difficult to reach correct vasculature capable of supporting the line he needed. Blood rolled off his body, spilled from the hole we had just made. As his body was larger than the stretcher I watched, as if in slow motion, as two fat drops fell through the air to land on my Danskos. Plop!  Plop!

I can still see the outline of those fat drops on my Danskos. Everytime I glance down and see them I'm reminded that I had wanted to tell you about him. About this large gentleman with his mind so confused by the toxic levels of waste in his blood. But then they also remind me that I'm too late. That this gentleman was days ago, I've missed the opportunity to tell his story. And then furthermore... why on earth haven't I cleaned my shoes yet?!?!?!

I unfortunately have a couple of missed stories over the past week or so. But priorities kept getting rearranged. I mean... take today for example. I was going to blog this afternoon, but then this happened.

Blog inside vs hold baby outside.  What would you have chosen?

The following are a few random photos I have been meaning to share over the past couple of weeks. 

Myself with two of my co-residents one night after work (Dzeba, me, Bronstein).

 

 

I joined Marcy B. and Amanda V. for an walking Italian Food Tour of the North End in Boston.

 

L to R: Kinzie, Amanda V., Marcy B. and myself enjoying our cannoli.

And last but definitely not least... MY LOUPES CAME THIS WEEK!!  I'm so excited. hehehehe

I can't stop laughing when I see this!! Do I look like a surgeon yet?

Much Love.

Estoy presentando M&M.

M&M:  Not only isolated to the field of General Surgery, but spans the spectrum, a common occurrence in all fields of medicine.

Morbidity & Mortality Conference. A weekly conference where peers gather to review a particular complication and/or death.

In General Surgery, routinely a Chief resident presents the M&M. However, the didactic set up for our program is undergoing some renovations. For the better, we would all agree. But due to this change if fell on me to present a large complication at conference today.

Once assigned, I'll admit that I pouted a bit. Complained that "I'm only a 2nd year, going to be an intern next year!!" To which I got an eye roll and a correction "you're just a few months away from being a PGY3 (year 3 resident)."  Secretly though, I felt that if someone had come and taken the M&M away from me... I'd have felt like I failed without even getting to try.

It's a part of our life. We have complications. We have deaths. M&M conference is put in place for us to talk about and learn from such things.  And as a resident, presenting the M&M and then standing front and center while your Attendings all take turns questioning your reasoning for each decision made in the process, pushed me to prepare, and then prepare again, and prepare again.

Much Love.