After my first week, as stand-in chief, the real chief returned. I was feeling thankful after that week. For one, because I had survived. For two, no one had died, coded, deteriorated, or been a rapid response. For three, the sub-intern on our team had been surprised when he had found out I was just a second year, stating he'd thought I was at least a 4th year. I interpreted this to signify that I had hopefully done something right. (One of the first lessons I learned in Mexico: How to look like I know what I'm doing... especially when I have no clue.)
But then Hanna returned, and any idea that I might have done an okay job was dissipated. No one said I had done a bad job, or even handled anything poorly. It was just in watching her example of leading, compared to what I had been able to pull together.
She had asked me how I had done. I don't even remember what I had said, but she had immediately dismissed my response. She had known full well what she had asked of me, and then what had subsequently been asked of me on top of that. It is perhaps the primary way a surgery resident learns. Thrown in, draw on your resources, build on your skills, figure it out, and move on.
She's been gone off and on quite a few times since then, either post-call or to take a trip or a test. It's much easier to step in for short periods, especially when I'm not half distracted by the needs of a second service. Plus, I'm getting some really good OR time, the cases usually snatched up by senior residents!
Today was supposed to be my day off as I'm scheduled for a 24 again this weekend. But a Pancreaticoduodenectomy was scheduled so Hanna gave me permission to come in anyways and double-scrub with her on the case. By the time morning conference finished and I was able to run to the OR the case had been aborted. So disappointing. Like major bummer. But then, since I was unexpectedly free another one of my chiefs gave me her gastrectomy case.
Much Love.
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