Estoy agradecida con corazon llenado.

It's finally official. I matched into a categorical general surgery position at Westchester. It's honestly a little hard to believe. It only took me four extra years to get to this point.


To be able to stand for the General Surgery oral boards, or sit for the General Surgery written boards it is first a requirement to have completed 5 years of a General surgery residency. Thus far I have been blessed to receive one year preliminary contracts. What categorical means is that I finally get to sign a full five year contract. When asked, "how much longer?" I can finally say, "five years of residency."

It felt longer at the time, but four years...
Four years during which God kept me going one step at a time, unsure of tomorrow, let alone beyond. Four years of applying and reapplying. Four years of rejection. Four years to build on the lessons God had started in Guadalajara. Four years to understand even deeper that I have absolutely zero control. Four years to love my Jesus even more.

I remember going for a run a few years ago. There were flurries in the air, really too cold for human lungs. But I needed to run. I pushed myself until my chest started to hurt, a dull substernal pain, and then I pushed myself harder. It's wasn't until the pain started radiating up my neck into the left side of my jaw and left shoulder, that sense broke through my thoughts and I realized I was giving myself a heart attack. I had been willing to suffer pain, because I had caused it. During a time when I really wasn't sure where I was going to land there was something in my life that I had control of, and this pain, this feeling that I was controlling, was making everything else take a back burner. I started walking. 

Or at a time when I knew I had finally run out. Wasn't sure how I was going to pay my next bill.  I was well aware that without the generosity of family and friends I would have already been homeless, jobless, penniless, and drowning in debt. Contemplating everything to prevent myself from having to ask to borrow more, out of pride. Maybe even living out of my car.  When God took the car from me, scolding me for even considering it. Once again, reminding me that I have no control, He let me know that "You don't even have a car Christy." Trust was all He asked, and I threw up my arms in defeat. It was all I could do.

It is all I can do.

It was even just a few months ago when I was 99.999% sure that I was not going to be offered anything beyond this final prelim year. That surgery was not where God was ultimately going to lead me on this path. Would it break my heart? Maybe I thought so, but I was willing to give it up for where ever I could be useful. Anesthesia? Psychiatry? Only God knew. And in the meantime, unknown to me, God was working in the hearts of my co-residents and Attendings granting me grace in their eyes. It is because, and only because, they advocated on my behalf that I was considered for a categorical position. 

There is no doubt in my mind that I am here today, of nothing that I have done on my own. It always was God who has brought me through. May I never forget, even for a moment. May it always be.

Romans 11:33-36
³³ O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!
³⁴ For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counsellor?
³⁵ Or who hath first given to him, and it shall be recompensed unto him again?
³⁶ For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen.

Much Love.