Estoy una cordero entre lobos.

I drove back to my apartment in NY last night.  There was spoiled milk in the refrigerator staring me down from across the miles.  I decided I finally had to put an end to that, and can now report that there is one more milk jug in the recyclables.

This rotation in Bridgeport is completely different than my last in the ICU.  Day one was, of course, the absolute pits.  Kind of like when someone yells at you ‘think fast’ having just two seconds before tossed a ball in your direction.  Well I got the same ‘think fast’, but instead of tossing one ball they had just chucked 30.… at my head.  I don’t think I caught a single one of them.  Safe to say I landed flat on my backside.  But I was back up and there even earlier the next day, and the next, and the next, and so on and so forth.

I’m not really enjoying the morning rounds, nor the evening sign outs.  These are the times when the chief resident really lays into us interns.   And he doesn’t stop until he has explicitly and sufficiently exclaimed how incompetent and useless we are.  It’s worse when the medical students are there providing him with an audience.  The other morning it lasted a good two hours.  Granted he would pause now and again to take a breath.  But when he paused, the 2^nd year apparently thought it his responsibility to carry on.  I shake my head.  It’s really rather ridiculous.  I mean he tried an analogy to food during that prolonged tirade and accused us of serving salty potatoes.  I had to work so hard to keep from laughing at that, and for the rest of the day remembering it would make me chuckle.  ‘Sir, yes sir! No salty potatoes, Sir!’  In all realty, in the midst of it, I just look him in the eyes and remind myself that Jesus loves him so much that he died a most horrible death for him.  And gentleness.  Gentleness is what I feel.

I also know. That they know.  That half of what they are asking of us is impossible.  But when they were in our place, the impossible was expected of them.  And therefore it is expected of us.   Eventually, with the faster and more efficient we become, the more impossibilities will become possibilities.

The house at which I’m staying at in Bridgeport can best be described as a ‘frat house.’ Niu is the other intern rotating with me this month, and she and I are the only girls in the house. The guys staying in the house are all very nice, but that hardly makes it any more comfortable for me.  I make an effort to engage them in some sort of superficial conversation when the opportunity arises.  Honestly, I don’t expect anything to come of any of these conversations, but like I said I only know them superficially and have no clue what sort of doubts/fears they may be struggling with if any. And if superficial conversations help them ask a question, then it’s worth it.  If not, like I said I don’t expect anything, then I can at least pray for them specifically by name.  And who knows, maybe that’s just what they need right now.  Either way, in the end, I am very thankful to have a place to sleep at night that is right across the street from the hospital.

The combination of having to watch where I step both in the hospital as well as in the house, is providing me with a personal experience in which I can relate to Luke 10:3. Not that I am a lamb.  And not that any of them are wolves.  But it just feels like it sometimes.  It makes me even more thankful the love of Jesus conquers all.

Luke 10:3 Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves.

Much Love.

P.S. I love salty potatoes! ;)