I had a past med student once send me a message asking a question. She led into her question by first asking my whereabouts, was I perhaps on a really fancy Parisian vacation? In which case she then offered me a bonjour from across the pond. But then getting back to her real reason for texting she asked, “what do you do when you face a setback?”
Setback? Closed doors? Rejections? I’m not sure to what exactly she was referring, and I didn’t ask.
I first thanked her for the quick mental Parisian vacation and then empathized with how she must be feeling.
How I dealt with setback:
1) I remind myself of WHY I am here.
2) I then go back to the basics. I explained to her that I go to the simplest thing that I have control of. When I can’t control my situation, what others think of me, or say to me. When I can’t go where I want or do what I want. Whatever the setback may be, I study. I continue to better myself in the one thing that I know I do have control of. I want to be a surgeon. A good and safe surgeon. When setbacks make it seem more difficult, the basics of a good and safe physician or surgeon is to never stop learning. And so I study. I study until the world rights itself again and the way past the setback becomes clear and I am able to take the next step forward.
That’s what I told her back then. And I think I was getting too comfortable like that, at least, that is what I have concluded. Now I’m getting ahead of myself, actually starting with the end of the story. If you’re the type of person who likes to read the last page of a book first, there ya go. I was too comfortable. El Fin!
God decided it was time for me to grow again. Two things happened this past month that God used to shake me up.
1) I started researching ‘the next step’... the part that happens after residency. And I found a whole lot of nothing. God taught me long ago He was only to show me one step at a time, and I on the other hand had only to trust. So when I looked for my next step... and it wasn’t there. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. But it did. In retrospect, having five years of my life semi-defined has provided me with an element of comfortability that I have slipped into. And using those same glasses looking forward, I ask what would be comfortable and easy? Apply for a fellowship, complete said fellowship, and then start working. But that is not WHY I am here.
2) My studying failed me. I’ve failed exams before, that’s no big deal, and usually explainable. This was more I failed myself. I couldn’t even bring myself back to the basics to get my feet underneath me again, because it was the basics that had failed. How can I be a good and safe surgeon, if I am not able to learn? What are the basics now?
The human being is really a predictable entity, myself included. We all struggle with control, fear, love, justice and purpose. Granted to varying tunes and different levels from individual to individual. But the human story is relatable. And even if you asked an atheist, to look at the stars from the top of a mountain, they’d look and say WOW!
I’m almost ashamed that I was shaken, had I not been relying on myself and my own abilities, God would have had no reason to pull me out of myself and back to himself. What can I say... I’m not perfect. In fact, I am nothing. Back to the basics 101.
Much Love.
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