Estoy aprendiendo a maniobrar dentro del sistema

I stayed post call to do cases again today. I choose to stay and operate, my program isn’t making me stay, so no one can really get mad at me for not logging the hours. Our program is in enough trouble already...  I have probably hinted at how morale is low among the residents, and things in general have been difficult this year.  Residency has been stretching me in ways unexpected. We as residents have gone through various stages of dealing with the situation. Initially we all ignored it. Pretended it wasn’t happening and attempted to act as normal as possible without admitting that something was wrong. Denial. The pent-up frustration from our denial then started to leak out in short bursts, vents and rants. We would find release in commiserating with each other. Anger.  Admission that something was wrong, was no longer a problem, and if we allowed it, we could get very angry.  But holding onto all that anger is just as poisonous as frustration, perhaps even more so. It boils up, deep bitterness, and we look at each other and at our situation.... and laugh. Acceptance.  Acceptance that 1) we are in a difficult position within our program and  2) there is no one that will advocate on our behalf.   If we didn’t laugh, we would cry. We, therefore, laugh. One of my co-residents came back to our program after being away to do research at a different program. And referring to his transition back made this comment, “I came back with the mindset that the grass is not always greener, but... the grass here is dead!” And we all laughed, and laughed, and laughed. Laughed at the truth in his comment. Laughed at our situation. And laughed just for the sake of laughing. We have each other.

#postcallface and ready for 5 more hours of surgery!  (Angie is one of our prelim interns who will be going onto Anesthesiology in Miami)

Much Love.