When I was a medical student I had a bad habit that took me a very long, long time to break. Crossing my arms. While in Illinois this month and enjoying the winter landscape of Illinois prairie turned farmland, I was reminded of it. Open and exposed.
No one ever told me not to cross my arms. It was more a subconscious internal argument.
On one hand: As a student, 9 times out of 10 you are standing in the background. Not saying anything, nor really doing anything. Crossing my arms was comfortable, plus it gave me something to do. What was my other option? Leave them hang at my sides? Well, that just looks ridiculous??
On the other hand: Disinterested. Closed-off. Unapproachable. Bored. Mad/Angry. Disagreeable. There is a barrier between me and the world.
Leaving oneself wide open is hard. It is difficult to freely allow a patient's complaints or a superior's verbal correction access to oneself with nothing to hold onto and no protection. Even if it is just yourself you're holding onto and protected by the invisible wall you've created in front of yourself.
You'll never see me with crossed arms in a hospital any more. Once in awhile, outside of the hospital, I may indulge and snuggle up behind my invisible wall. But truely.. If leaving myself open means a patient can more easily trust me, it's worth it. If leaving myself open means my senior has confidence I understand and am capable, it's worth it. If leaving myself open means access to experiences and education opportunities otherwise eluded, it's worth it.
There's a lot that can be said for leaving oneself Open. Exposed. and Beautiful.
Much Love.
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