Finished another call week. It's a nice system the practice has in place. But like any system, there are pros and cons. One surgeon is primary surgeon for an entire week. Pro: it leaves Sundays open for the majority of the group to attend church and spend time with family, etc. Con: For the primary surgeon, the burden of this lays heavily on the weekend when that one individual is taking first call for 72 hours straight. I came to a point during one of those 72 hour runs, at about 44 hours in without any rest, that I said outloud to no one in particular, "I don't know if I can do this for another day." I was being rhetorical, as I knew that I would do whatever was needed. But God heard me anyways and calmed the storm, and I was able to rest and finish that last 24hours with a smile. Looking back, I do kind of judge myself for being so weak, and I know there was a element of fear in my sudden outburst. I had just been paged yet again about a complex surgical problem at a hospital over an hour away, and my tired brain had struggled to filter through what information was being given to me over the phone in order to make a decision. I don't know what will be asked of me in the future, but it may be that I look back on these times and laugh at my weakness to manage. I must trust the grace of El Shaddai to be there when the patient needs a decision or pair of hands for Him to work through. As always, He leaves me no doubt that I could never have done any of this journey on my own.
Laughing with one of my partners this morning, I confessed that I never thought I'd ever be so excited to see Monday mornings as I am after finishing a week of call. I love what I do, but there is a mental exhaustion that comes with making sure I am ready to respond at all times for 72hrs straight. And tonight I am thankful to leave my pager hanging on the wall by my door and be able to put both of my earphones in with the music playing too loud and not worry if I'm missing anything.
Much Love.
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