Estoy agradecida.

I've found that despite a week of recovery, if I still attempt to vibrate my vocal cords at a speed necessary to sing, sound is produced that sounds more like a goose honking. Rather disappointing. But, I'm told that my voice is sounding stronger. So... there is that at least.  And no one has refused to meet up with me or placed me on quarantine so, inability to sing for Thanksgiving aside, I've been blessed with a relaxing and enjoyable week in Illinois.

It has been an entire week and I haven't set myself an alarm to wake up, not even once. Granted, this morning I woke at 1:30am, wide awake. I guess I've caught up well enough at this point.

I've had time to run North of Gridley for a ways. Cut East on the country roads till I hit the cemetery and then turn to head back into and through town. It's not the same as running my hills back in NY, but when that freezing wind whips across the prairie unabated, it proves a whole different kind of challenge for the struggling individual attempting to put one foot in front of the other.

Mandatory time for friends. I can't begin to describe how thankful I am for these two. Amber and K. You know what I mean! I love you guys!

And then there's the nephews. They change so much between my visits.

 Peter Bear is in kindergarten. He's reading, writing, and doing mathematics?!?!? I could barely achieve such things in 2nd grade let alone kindergarten! Playing catch is no longer one sided, he's even excelling at ping pong! 

And this little one is hard on the heels of his brother! Little Lincoln plays hard, and works harder but in the end his true colors show. Can't hide how he loves just as hard. 

Miles Austin, no longer the baby, but always the baby of the family! :) 

So thankful for this past week I've gotten to spend in Central Illinois with family and friends. Celebrating both our traditional holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas! Tomorrow I fly back East, meet up with a couple friends at JFK and then off to Spain for a week of exploring and adventure! Thankful and blessed to have the opportunity!

Much Love.

Estoy hablando como una tabaquista.

How does a surgeon sneeze?

Trick question.

Same as anyone else. The hardest thing about sneezing during surgery is making sure you don't move your hands. Ingrained in your brain to "cover your mouth" when you sneeze, you try to do that during surgery, and rookie mistake... you've just contaminated yourself.

I've had a couple of cases this week during which I've had snot dripping down the inside of my mask, blood splashed across the outside of my mask; in short I've been an all-out mess. Washing my hands every two seconds doesn't quite cut it. Really feel the need to douse myself with chlorhexidine in an attempt to loose the feeling that I'm a walking petri dish.

I've got some nasty respiratory virus that saw fit to half paralyze my vocal cords in addition to the typical mucous overproduction and cough that usually comes with your common cold virus. I imagine my poor patients feel like their doctor is going to get them sick when I come and ask them how they are doing or does their belly hurt. Ironic that there's no sick days for a surgical residents. If you do call in sick you better be dead or near dead. Exaggeration... or is it?

At least with a virus I can still function appropriately allowing me to do my work. It mainly just makes me sounds awful and causes people to want to walk at a safe distance from me... with reason. I'm not the only one though. For the majority of the month, Clara has been my junior resident on call with me. And it actually started with her. I can blame her for being sick. But now we walk around the hospital on-call both of us hacking up a lung and unable to talk. Talk about the A-Team!! Running traumas, seeing consults, operating when we get the chance... no measly virus is going to stop us!!

It's been a busy last week. I've really needed to, and wanted to, rest to maybe allow by body even a chance to rid itself of this virus. Not a chance. So I am more thankful than usual to have two weeks of vacation time now. I need the break away from the hospital for more reasons that typical. I actually need to rest and recover.

We used to be assigned all of our vacation time together in one lump block. This changed with our new scheduling in July. They split it up for us into two two-week blocks. I was assigned the second two weeks of November as vacation. I flew home to Illinois yesterday in a post-call state-of-mind, eager as I was to begin my rest and recuperation! :)

Much Love.

Estoy preocupada.

Residency changes a person. In my head I'm resilient. I'm impervious to the never ending scut work, useless inefficency, and overt abuse of the human being called a surgical resident. But I have to hang my head and admit, I. Am. Not.
These days, you will more often than not find me some place in the hospital in a state of confusion, tiredness, exasperation, and of course hunger. I used to be able to hold it back, but I ran out of patience and I just can't anymore. Breaking point reached and passed.
Our chief of Vascular Surgery is an absolutely amazing man and surgeon. The other day I was presenting yet another vascular consult to him and he stopped me in surprise, "They want what?!?!, Ah, we should tell them no stupid consults on Fridays!!"
I wish to emulate Dr. Babu when I say, I just can't do stupid anymore. Door closed and not accepting stupid.
Sigh...
But alas, that is also just in my head.

Dear Jesus, I pray for the grace to be understanding, the patience to be considerate, and the ability to love everyone, even as You would.

Amazing what a quick trip around the Snip can do for one's mental health. :) All better again!

I'm only half being facetious. ;) Truthfully though, never underestimate "the assembling of ourselves together" -Heb10:25

Much Love.